Dukkha Earl
Am I speaking to Emily?
Yes, this is Emily.
Los Angeles Department of Sanitation here. We need to speak with you about a pickup made at your house this week.
Oh, okay. What’s up?
Well, we found a man in your dumpster.
Yes.
You put him there?
Yes, of course I did.
Well, he doesn’t belong there.
Should I have put him in compost?
Certainly not.
I thought of recycling him, but it felt disrespectful somehow. I didn’t want him to feel like I was passing him onto someone else.
Disrespectful? You can’t dispose of a live human being in the trash. The city won’t take him.
I don’t blame you. I couldn’t take him anymore, either.
That’s not what I’m talking about.
God, you’re sounding just like him!
Ma’am, you can’t put a man in the trash.
It was all I could think of to do. I’m not taking him back.
What are we supposed to do with him?
He likes french fries. Red wine. Well, white wine with the fries maybe, or beer. He’s quiet. Get him some books. I don’t know. Nice guy and all, just not for me.
Ma’am, why did you deposit this man in the trash?
That’s a personal question, but isn’t the answer obvious? I didn’t want him anymore.
This isn’t how you dispose of a lover, ma’am.
Oh really? Okay, Ms. City Worker, tell me how I should have disposed of him?
You cut him into small pieces, bag him up, and throw him into somebody else’s dumpster!
Seems dishonest. Somebody else is paying for that dumpster.
You’re very conscientious. You know, that won’t get you very far in this city. You can’t expect to get anything done by going through ‘proper channels.’ Now I’m going to have to cite you for improper rubbish disposal.
I should have recycled him. Can’t he be useful somehow? I mean, he’s 34 and doesn’t have any health problems.
June 20th, 2005 at 1:33 pm
The thorn has pierced his tongue, and now he whistles as he speaks.
June 28th, 2005 at 11:34 am
I find myself returning to this piece repeatedly. In a surface sense, it comes across as rather flip, light in tone, irreverant. I suspect that plays into why I come back to it: as humor heightens the tension of a horror movie, so does this piece open a channel to something hauntingly sad.I’ve been in the dumpster a few times myself, my friend, and I can attest that few things in life match the emotional burden of the end of a relationship. Keep on hangin’.
June 28th, 2005 at 1:26 pm
As a humor piece, Hal, I actually think it fails at the end. The City Worker is the person we identify with, and she should stay sensible all the way through the dialogue. Ah well.