Siccome la Casa Brucia, Riscaldiamoci
"A zendo is not a peaceful haven, but a furnace room for the combustion of our delusions."
– Eido Roshi
My father called to me from outside the house. He said, “You have got to come out. Can’t you feel the heat blistering your skin? Don’t you wonder where your cough comes from? Haven’t you noticed the smoke has completely blacked out any light? Come out of there, you nut!” But I couldn’t hear.
So my father tried another line: “Hey, I’ve got these really cool carts out here…” Maybe you know how this story goes. My brothers and I came running out with the promises of carts: a cart pulled by a goat, a cart pulled by a deer, and a cart pulled by an ox. It worked as far as getting out of the house, but when there were no carts, no goats, or anything else he promised, father had a problem.
He produced a cart that was much, much more wonderful than anything he had described to us when luring us out of the house. A magnificent cart. But as soon as was gazed on it, the cart caught fire. Then we looked at father, and he caught fire. We looked to each other in horror, and we all caught fire, too.
Now I address myself to you, but you may already have learned to tune out the burning flesh smell. It is the human way. Say – do you hear someone calling us?
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Diary, July 10:
Unhealthy concepts about ‘spiritual life.’ Goes back to Siddhartha’s early yogic explorations, clearing the body (which was thought to be base and chained to appetite and desire) from ‘the spirit.’ No way of responding with the unity of one’s being.
The image of the mosquito biting the iron bull. Zen can be a lovely intention; but an intention remains ‘inside.’ Even Zen Master Seung Sahn divided ‘inside job’ and ‘outside job.’ Mosquito bites into the iron bull with complete unity of being, intention and body functioning as one event.
One’s entire being, the whole of one’s life, must become the path. Our livelihood and activities must support and express our unity or there may be a feeling that there is a ‘spiritual life’ and that we are falling short; feelings of dishonesty, confusion, doubting one’s capability or our true nature, rebelling against ourselves – all distractions. Yet: we cannot contrive to express Tao.
We jettison ‘the spiritual life,’ jettison ‘enlightenment,’ and we certainly jettison any idea of ‘clarifying one’s intention.’
First become whole (completely and honestly unified with one’s being, even if therapy is required); our being is one event.
I wrote this and my diary caught fire. The path collapsed, Siddhartha was exposed as a scarecrow, and Seung Sahn exploded across the galaxy.
The mosquito knows: it takes a lot of effort to penetrate all the bull.
* * * *
There is a dream I had years ago that I have never forgotten. I am following my father as he walks through a parking lot at night. It is unmistakably him: his walk, his voice, his manner of speaking. He is charging forward, talking to me almost over his shoulder. He says, “We are a quarter of the way to the goal, and halfway through the hour!”
* * * *
"Because we think we know something, we can’t believe ourselves." — Zen Master Su Bong
