Notes From A Burning House

If androids dream, do parking meters? 

If a parking meter dreamed of death coming in its own likeness, this might have been the vision: I saw a parking meter draped with a clear plastic sheet that came all the way to the ground.  The sun shone through the plastic and gave the meter beneath the eeriest silhouette.  It was the Angel of Death for Parking Meters.

Can a parking meter confess its sins?  We all know they cheat, claiming to be expired much sooner than the time we paid for. 

Do the digital meters of today reminisce about the wind-up parking meters of temps perdu, a simpler time with simpler choices?  Do they fear for the future as more cities employ a single computerized meter for multiple parking spaces? 

Do they talk about us in downtown squares that are left deserted on Sundays? Do they smile inwardly when a car stops by them on prom night, and a nervous young man runs to the gas station to buy something he’ll need while his date waits in the passenger seat with Tom Petty singing on the classic rock station?  Do they roll their eyes (figuratively speaking) when someone puts a bag over them, falsely claiming that they are broken? 

Do they become fond of meter maids, and wonder about them when they miss a shift? 

Do they wonder if a better life is possible?  Whether choices really exist?  Would the fact that they are held into place within heavy cement incline them towards a determinist point of view? 

When the Dark Bride comes for them in her plastic veil, do they reflexively flick on the ‘expired’ sign, knowing that this time it’s for keeps, because from now on there will be no more quarters?

Rabbi Abraham Isaac Kook said:

“The truly righteous (Hebrew, ha-tzaddikim ha-tehorim) −

Do not complain about evil, instead they add justice

Do not complain about ignorance, instead they add wisdom

Do not complain about atheism, instead they add faith.”

To this we might add today:

They do not complain about hatred and derision, instead they add love and respectfulness.

−Rabbi Uziel Weingarten (to me, by way of the good Rabbi Borak)

Lately I have been more of a complainer – both in my thoughts and in my speech.  The closest I have gotten to righteousness is hearing the Righteous Brothers on the oldies station.  I have questioned whether justice, wisdom, and faith are lost on such a species such as humankind; so much, then, for my own love and respectfulness.  At my darkest, I would rather kill a human man than swat a fly.  At my brightest, I dance with Lear on the heath:

*

Thou hast seen a farmer’s dog bark at a begger?  And the creature run from the cur?  There thou mightst behold the great image of authority: a dog’s obeyed in office.  Thou rascal beadle, hold thy bloody hand!  Why dost thou lash that whore?  Strip thine own back: thou hotly lust’st to use her in that kind for which thou whipp’st her.  The usurer hangs the cozener.  Through tatter’d clothes small vices do appear; robes and furr’d gowns hide all.  Plate sin with gold, and the strong lance of justice hurtless breaks.  Arm it in rags, a pigmy’s straw does pierce it.  None does offend, none, I say, none: I’ll able ‘em.  Take that of me, my friend, who have the power to seal the accuser’s lips.  Get thee glass eyes and, like a scurvy politician, seem to see the things thou dost not. 

.     .     .

Thou must be patient; we came crying hither:

Thou know’st, the first time that we smell the air,

We wawl and cry.  I will preach to thee: mark.

When we are born, we cry that we are come

To this great stage of fools…

-Shakespeare, of course

The author is an auto-redact: he goes over his own writing with a black magic marker.

*     *     *

The word “impact” is becoming weakened with over-use.  People use it as a noun and a verb to refer to any kind of affect one thing has upon another.  “My low income has impacted my ability to go out to the clubs every week.”  “Your bad attitude has a negative impact on my mood.” 

It’s not an incorrect use of the word.  With overuse, however, the individual strength of this word is being weakened to the point that impact has no impact at all.

Once I actually heard a traffic report on KNX allege that fog had impacted morning commuters.  That must have been dense fog indeed.  Almost as dense as the person speaking. 

In other news, the discovery of a beautiful Harpo Marx tribute site had a wonderful impact on my day. 

*     *     *

It is very important that society go not too far in extending human life.  Death and the passing of generations is a very important thing.  I want my generation’s stupid ideas to die with us, just as the stupid ideas of previous generations went with them.  Death is not all bad: it guarantees that some people will have to shut up someday. 

Was that too dark?  Okay then. Here is a puppy:

This is hot.  It’s not the dry desert hot that kind of flicks you at first and then bites into your skin and sends shivers up and down your spine.  No, this is humid.  Not everglades humid, but comparable to Rhode Island-humid.  You wonder why you’ve got a blanket on for a split second, then you realize you’re actually bare-chested and sitting in front of a fan and it doesn’t make a difference, then you doze a little and eventually get back to wondering why you’ve got a blanket on.  The sun has gone down but the thermometer stayed put and the cat has turned into a Salvador Dali figure, melting off of the kitchen chair.  The red wine on the 1920’s white tile kitchen counter is too warm - something closer to hot, in fact - it is now cooking wine.  Since I am feeling well cooked, I drink some.  I skipped dinner because somehow I don’t feel a need to generate calories which are units of heat and will just make me heavier still.  So I crown myself with an ice cube and massage myself with ice-cold hands and drink the wine and take a walk outside but it’s the same temperature out there so I go to Skylight Books for their air conditioning and read Rousseau’s Social Contract until I feel like a poacher so I go back out into the clammy heat and walk some more, anywhere, someone give my feet a purpose and maybe the rest of me will follow.

At 6:30 PM Pacific Standard Time, Operation Window Freedom was launched. 

We inherited a challenge by unknown evildoers, who duped a previous administration (i.e. a former landlady).  The paintjob these anonymous mayhem-makers left behind was terrible, and in sealing the windows shut, their negligence was criminal. 

As will happen when responding to a surprise attack, there were disadvantages.  We were caught unprepared.  Contrary to some reports in the press, there was a hammer on the premises – but we lacked a putty knife, and this was indispensable.  We needed this tool.  It was an emergency expenditure and justified.  Now that that we have a putty knife in our arsenal, we are better prepared for future threats.   In the process, we also acquired a food stopper and some flowers – maximizing our collateral improvement with one trip to the hardware store.  The hardware store and the route we took there must remain undisclosed at this point in time. 

This was a difficult assignment under stressful circumstances.  The heat was daunting enough.  Add to this the condition of the windows, painted shut not only around the frame but also inside where our most sophisticated (and, remember, brand-new) equipment could not reach.  A mischievous cat complicated the infernal situation even further by hopping around and putting itself (and us) in harm’s way.  It was strenuous, loud, sweaty work, and we need to be frank about casualties: for instance, a finger was badly pinched and turned a little bit blue and still hurts a day later.  We know this comes with the territory and we absorb the hazards bravely. 

Not all of the windows were liberated, but four of them were.  A cross-breeze was established and verified at 9:05 PM Pacific Standard Time.    Masculine prowess was verified and celebrated at 9:09 PM. 

We know there will be more challenges in times to come.  We will be ready.  We always are.  In the meantime, there is beer, and it is cold.  For this, we endure.